and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
how drunk are you?
Several
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
