The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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