Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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