Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
