I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
