I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize