I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
