Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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