i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
