Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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