I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
