Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
