based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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