I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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