When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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