my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My breasts were aching with rage.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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