I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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