if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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