Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
