I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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