Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I AM VODKA MAN
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You ate ashes out of my bong
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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