Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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