my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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