I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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