what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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