Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
