I think I died a long time ago.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
