so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
