just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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