You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
