I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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