Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
