the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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