he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
