so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
