I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
