it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
