Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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