my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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