She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
