Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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