the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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