yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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