you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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