a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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