She announced her abortion via fbk
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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