I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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