Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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