I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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