I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize