the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Can I color on your dick again?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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