so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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