Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
