Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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