where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize