Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize