am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
