I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
