matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
How's work?
Spinning.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize