let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
