i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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