Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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