I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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