Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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