Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
