I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
