I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
