i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
