im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
