Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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