Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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