ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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