Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
