never play flip cup with pint glasses
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
