Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
