He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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