we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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