I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
